Tipping Point

****please note, parts of this are from a blog post originally made last year, but I edited my own words then out of fear.  Fear of others judging me.  Fear of others not agreeing with me.  Fear of being perceived differently.  Now I'm 40, and as one of my friends recently said..."my give-a-shitter is broken"!  That original post has been removed and replaced with this one.  Enjoy.  Or don't.  Whatever. Like I said, I'm older and I have more insurance!  (FGT for life.  That's Fried Green Tomatoes for you youngins'.) Oh wait, that's not right.  But you get my drift.  


(New and Improved) Tipping Point

Everybody has a tipping point, and a recent memory that popped up on FB reminded me of mine….

Four years ago Ellis was 8 months old.  I had dabbled in natural products, joined all the hippie crunchy mommy groups and I had recently gotten my first set of oils.  I was a little intimidated by all of it, but I had this voice in my head getting louder and louder encouraging me to learn more.  Then Ellis was sick for the first time and had a fever for 3 days.  I was a first time mom with little confidence and I panicked.   I skipped all that hippie shit and did what so many other parents do, I took her to the doctor.    It was Saturday so we saw a different pediatrician than we normally did for her well checks.  She was fussy and wiggly while the doctor examined her.  The doctor quickly exclaimed “ear infection”.  I questioned her because I saw that she literally barely got the otoscope near her ear, let alone held it still long enough to actually SEE inside her ear.  But she told me that yes it was an ear infection and that Ellis needed antibiotics.  She seemed a bit annoyed that I questioned her and again when I told her both my husband and I were allergic to penicillin and that we wanted to stay away from that.  Through her annoyance she promised me the prescription she wrote was not in the penicillin family.  Then this doctor asked me if I wanted to get her caught up on her vaccines.  Um, no I do NOT.  Look, no matter where you stand on the vaccine topic, please know that the absolute worst time to vaccinate is when you are sick.  This should have been my red flag to run for a second opinion.  But Ellis WAS sick, did have a fever for 3 days and I wanted her to get better, so against my gut feeling, I trusted the ear infection diagnosis and filled the prescription. 

I filled the script and gave it to her.  I had a work trip scheduled and didn’t want to leave her, but she seemed to be on the mend so off I went on my work trip.  Then, as I’m standing in front of a room full of people co- teaching a training with my HR pal Carolyn in our Roseland, New Jersey office, I start getting texts from our nanny/neighbor that watched Ellis at her house that Ellis has developed a rash and hives were appearing on her face.   I was worried of course and mentioned it to Carolyn (also a mom with young kids) but I was teaching and didn't want to be an overreacting FTM (that's "first time mom" for those not up on their mommy group lingo) so I carried on with training while monitoring my phone closely.   Next thing I knew, I got a text that 9-1-1 has been called because Ellis turned purple and is having trouble breathing.  Obviously I step out of my training and call the nanny.  I was shaking with fear and I was so far away.  I felt so helpless.   The paramedics needed to know what the exact antibiotic was.  It was at our house and I didn’t remember off the top of my head so I called the pharmacy and they told me.  That’s when I learned it was in fact in the penicillin family.  Thankfully, she recovered from this episode quickly after the paramedics arrived and when Jade arrived he took her back to the pediatrician’s office based on the paramedic’s advice.  This time our regular doc saw her and said he saw no evidence that an ear infection was ever there (it had only been a few days and he said he would still be able to tell if it had been there) and said that her hives and breathing episode was from excess mucus as a result of an allergic reaction to the antibiotic.  I was obviously an emotional wreck being so far away, not to mention I was already 4 months pregnant with Lucy Bell so the waterworks were in full effect!  My co-workers whisked me off to the airport and put me on an immediate flight home.  Of course she was totally fine by the time I got home, but my mommy heart was broken that I had been away when she was in such distress.

A few days later I settled down from the whole incident and faced the fact that our pediatrician’s office was not looking to be a good fit for us.  The regular guy was OK, but he had previously made it clear that if I didn’t get her caught up on vaccines according to schedule, they’d no longer see us.  Um, excuse me, don’t you work for me?  I pay you for your service, so it seems I should be calling the shots (pun intended J ).  That combined with the total and complete god complex/reckless behavior of the other doc we had seen meant it was time for me to fire them – not the other way around.   Sealing the deal was that they never once called to check on her after this whole incident and then never once called to see where we were, why we hadn’t been in for her well checks.  Nothing.  We were simply a number to them.  They didn’t care about Ellis and it was obvious they were too big to even notice we had fired them.

After this I found an amazing, smaller pediatrician’s office, with just one doctor and a team of really great nurse practitioners that fit more with our vibe.  They listen, they don’t’ mind being questioned and they fit our lifestyle.

Lessons Learned:

·  You are your child’s (or your own) best advocate.  I should have demanded that doctor examine her more closely but I didn’t want to be rude.  Never again.  They can call me names, hate me and talk about me in the break room all day long, but I will not be made to feel inferior for simply asking questions.

·  Question everyone and everything.  I should have triple checked on that antibiotic.  I should have asked the pharmacist and not blindly trusted that doctor.  My gut knew something was off and I didn’t listen.  I should have looked it up myself.  Make fun of “Dr. Google” all you want, but in this case it could have spared us a terrible fright

·  Not all doctors are created equally and they certainly don’t know everything about everything. 

·  Some doctors have been bought.  This may sound like a conspiracy theory to you, but how it is that I know not to vaccinate my child when sick but this doctor was recommending it.  Hell, the vaccine inserts themselves tell you not to do this. It’s common sense.  When your immune system is already compromised, you don’t challenge it further my introducing additional crap.  This alone made me realize they make money on vaccines, sometimes at the expense of your child.  Why else would she offer it is such a used car-salesman kind of way?  I understand doctor’s offices are a business and they need to make money, but for the love of all things holy shouldn’t patient care come first?  Don’t they take an oath about that? ( I see you vaccine enthusiasts rolling your eyes now.  I'm not anti-vaccine by the way.  I'm pro-safety.  Safety first.  That's what Viv said in Pretty Woman and I take all my parenting advice from actresses ;) )  

·  Doctors work for YOU.  Period.  End of story. 

• Please note:  I don't believe all doctors are bad.  In fact, some of them are down right amazing and doing the hardest work on the planet, like working with/for kids with horrible illnesses.  They are swell in my eyes. 

So this is my story of how I came to fully embrace our current lifestyle.  I don’t run to the doctor at the first sign of illness.  I work to support the immune system, boost wellness through nutrition and apply some common sense.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve taken my sick kid to the doctor since this first incident.  Even just a few months ago I took Ellis in for a collection of weird symptoms she was experiencing.  The difference now is I am a PARTNER with our health care provider.   I tell them what’s going on, how I’ve been addressing it and they listen to me.  They really listen.  And more often than not, they agree with my approach.  THIS is the kind of health well care I want. 

You may not have reached your tipping point yet.  But when you do, let me know.  I love, love, love, helping people navigate their entry into these waters.  I had a few people help me along the way, still do.  I don’t know it all but I’m willing to learn alongside you.  I promise it’s not as intimidating as it appears.  I’m not that smart.  But what I lack in smarts I make for in common sense.  This stuff is easy y’all.  Like learning to cook, just have to learn what to use and when.  You can do it, too. 

www.yldist.com/kellyburgoyne