There - it's out. Now I can stop feeling guilty. Or not. Does the mom-guilt ever really go away?
I BELIEVE in breastfeeding. It's best for baby and mom. There are so very many good things about it- bonding, nourishing baby with nature's best food, boosting baby's immunity and establishing a healthy gut, mom burning calories and losing baby weight more quickly and it's free. And perhaps the best thing (other than the health benefits) is the convenience - no bottles to prepare when you leave the house and no bottles no wash.
I breastfed Ellis for a little over 6 months. Many women set the goal to do it for 6 months but my goal was one year. And then I got pregnant again when she was just 4 months old. No biggie - lots of women breastfeed through pregnancy and I planned to as well. Ellis' nanny at the time (Becca) was doing it and made it look so easy. I mean, she was younger than me and seemed to have some secret source of energy (she was also pregnant and watched several kids all day) but I could totally do it. Or so I thought.
Me and pregnancy - we're not friends. At all. I get sick. Soooooo sick. Food becomes the enemy. I was powering through because Ellis was depending on me but I felt like death warmed over morning, noon and night. And no way was I going to give her formula. I was in the beginning of my hippie journey and this was one of the basics - you breastfeed your baby! Formula is the enemy. Becca was doing it and I wanted to be a breastfeeding badass like her! All the crunchy mommy groups I had just become a part of advocated for breastfeeding and offered a great support group but almost made me feel inferior for even considering formula in my darkest sickest hours hovering over the toilet so I kept breastfeeding As time went on, I could pump next to nothing, Ellis was fussing to eat more and more and her wet diapers became more infrequent. Day 1 mommy stuff includes tracking poops and pees. They literally give you a chart to track this at the hospital, and although you stop charting it on paper you never really give up tracking your kids' bathroom habits. So when I noticed she was urinating less, it was time to suck it up and let my dream of breastfeeding for one year go. She was 6 months and I was 2 months pregnant. I know I made the right decision because when I stopped nursing her, there was no process of "drying my milk" or engorgement. No leaking, no pain, no nothing. My body was done and was not producing milk.
I researched the heck out of formulas. As a burgeoning hippie, I knew I wanted organic and found this article that helped me make my decision on which one I'd use.
Fast forward 8 months - Lucy Bell is 2 months old and I have to have surgery. No problem. I researched, asked doctors, lactation consultants and other moms and found it was safe to breastfeed her ASAP after the surgery - that the anesthesia and pain meds would not impact her. Surgery itself was easy peasy, but the recovery was two weeks of pure hell. Y'all, I cried for my mommy to stay longer than originally planned - it was bad! Ohhh the pain. I did breastfeed Lucy between naps and writhing around in pain but she was having a reaction to the meds. So I tried no meds one day and OH MY GAWD I thought I was dying. The meds were making her have explosive diaper situations but I physically could not get by without them. She got a nasty diaper rash and was miserable. Two months was definitely less than my 1 year goal for breastfeeding but after many tears, I decided it was time to switch her to formula. Her and I were both miserable, I was exhausted, in pain and pitifully puny. Again, my body was d-o-n-e!
So there it is - my TWO stories of NOT achieving my breastfeeding goals. But you know what, we're all happy and healthy. We as moms do the best we can. We fret and stress and cry and worry that every choice we make will impact our kids for the rest of their lives. And that we'll be judged for messing them up or making the wrong choices. I especially felt like a failure because of my new-found hippiedom and the online groups I was a part of made me feel the need to stay in the closet about formula feeding. I'm over that now.
Happy Breastfeeding or Formula Feeding - whatever works for you!
Oils For Breastfeeding:
KellyMom (not me) is a great resource for all things breastfeeding related. You can search here for things like oversupply, thrush, mastitis, pumping, weaning, etc.
Fennel - apply topically on breasts avoiding nipple to INCREASE supply; be careful to avoid engorgement
Peppermint - apply topically on breasts avoiding nipple to DECREASE supply; use only if you are blessed with an over abundant supply or weaning
To read more about these oils or order them, click here.
DISCLAIMER: This page promotes ONLY Young Living brand essential oils. I am not a doctor and I am not diagnosing, recommending treatment or offering cures for ailments or illnesses. These are my personal experiences in using Young Living Essential Oils with my family. YLEO are pure, therapeutic grade oils and the only oils I would use in the ways that I discuss.
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