Stupid Motorcycle, Stupid Deer.

My dad gave me this lock when I moved away to Atlanta all by myself 9 years ago.  And then he died exactly one year later in an accident - 8 years ago today.  That sucked. Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer. 

He gave it to me to lock my U-Haul truck so nobody would steal all of my worldly processions - which weren't much considering I was freshly divorced and in my twenties.  I basically had a U-Haul full of clothes, shoes and dishes.  But it's all I had and he wanted to help me protect it.  He was like that, always looking out for those he cared about, always thinking of things I never did.  Like locking my U-Haul.  Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer. 
 
My dad had this lock practically FOREVER.  The code on it is the phone number from his childhood - 4076.  I will always remember this number because it was my grandparents phone number my whole life until my Nanny finally moved out of that house just a few years ago.  Since he died, I have cherished this lock.  He held it with his hands.  He set the code.  He protected his things for many, many years with it and then gave it to me to protect my things.  To protect me.   Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer.  

The last several years Jade and I have used this lock to lock our backyard gate to keep the creepers out.  When we moved this week, the lock broke.  And I cried.  I'm crying as I type this.  It's just a lock, but it's so much more.  Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer.  

When I hear the Dixie Chicks song "Wide Open Spaces", I always think of moving to Atlanta and Dad giving me that lock. I'm a parent now, and can imagine his and my mom's fret and feeling of helplessness as I drove off.  Him insisting on putting that lock on my U-Haul just before I drove away at 5:00 in the morning must have been his way, the only way really, of protecting me on this new journey.

Wide Open Spaces
Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

This was me - I was striking out on my own for the first time. And my foundation of stone was my family. My mom and dad always supported me.  

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dreams no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

So I was going east, not west. But same concept. I had no idea what was in store for me - a job I still have 9 years later and Jade! Jade was there waiting for me!

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

I did need a new start and new faces and I did make mistakes. I did not know the high stakes. Had I known that first year in Atlanta would be the last year of my dad's life, I would have stayed. I would have spent more Sundays in the driveway drinking beer with my dad and listening to music.   But since we can't know the future, I left and I spent lots of time doing insignificant things away from my family.  I will always have regret about being gone for the last year of his life.  Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer.
.....
As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
.....

"Check the oil!"  Dad was always checking the oil in my car.  Even when I was grown he did that.  He checked the oil, he washed the cars, he fixed things and he protected us.  He loved us. 

Stupid motorcycle, stupid deer.

I do not struggle with grief or depression. I mean, sometimes I have an unexpected meltdown at really awkward moments, but from day to day I'm OK. It's been 8 years. Time makes it easier. It does not remove the sting of the loss, but you learn to live with the sting. You learn to live with that hole in your heart.

I think you do whatever it takes to get through the day when you experience loss. Often times that means using anti-depressants and other medications. If you're on those the rest of your life, then so be it. Again, do whatever it takes. But there are other options. Oily options.

Oils for Grief and Depression:
Here is an amazing testimony on weaning from anti-depressants and using oils in the starter kit. 


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DISCLAIMER: This page promotes ONLY Young Living brand essential oils. I am not a doctor and I am not diagnosing, recommending treatment or offering cures for ailments or illnesses. These are my personal experiences in using Young Living Essential Oils with my family. YLEO are pure, therapeutic grade oils and the only oils I would use in the ways that I discuss.